Relegated from the Premiership to the Conference and fined £9m for failing to tick the right boxes on an FA survey of toilet cleanliness, The Wailing Cat FC have complained loudly to the media about one rule for them softies down south and one for t’poor northern folk. Contrasting the fortunes of his club with those of U Wasted Hitmen, fined £5 recently for fielding an entire eleven of Argentine ballmesmerisers in a critical relegation battle, The Wailing Cat FC chairman Jack Brisket was fuming. ‘’Appen t’were us as ‘ad bent t’rules in yon manner, we’da bin banished t’Scottish Three. Aye, I’d tek a £5 fine any day.’ Bert Fish of the FA was sympathetic: ‘It’s great news for grass roots football, to have The Wailing Cat FC back where they belong. Jack Brisket’s comments? We’ll be taking them up with an interpreter in an attempt to establish their meaning. Now if you’ll excuse me I have an urgent meeting of the match-fixing committee to attend.’
A spokesfan of U Wasted Hitmen was heard to mutter that if they’d known they’d get off so lightly they’d have played the Argentine ballmesmerisers in every game and qualified for the Champions’ League.